Suicide, when heard to have been committed by a person, triggers series of mind-puzzling thoughts. “What a pity,” some will retort. Other will make a claim about an assumed weakness in the victim’s personality, and say something like: “How on earth would he do that to himself!”
This is my take.
“It’s easy to see a smudge on your neighbor’s face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own.
Do you have the nerve to say, ‘Let me wash your face for you,’ when your own face is distorted by contempt?
It’s this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor”
(Matthew 7: 3-7).
As much as it is desired to put so much energy into convincing people about some ideals of immense benefit, the moment it all appears as an infringement on the person’s will and commitment and it is clear that he has made up his mind not to make efforts towards the emphasized line of thought, the natural response to resort to comes along. The person keen at doing the job of convincing may fast get tired and lose hope.
Hope the moment is not now, when I am about to share with you a seemingly ‘difficult-to-practice’ principle which has made a dwarf of so many giants.
Pain is a natural response to hurt. So, emotional pain which cannot be quenched by any analgesic (or, pain-killer) is not exempted in this. You might be distracted by some daily routine and activities but the moment you are alone and you make a replay of some specific events, there is a recoil of emotional rage that embrace and analyze the preference for revenge. Irrespective of how bright you’ve been all day, that dark spot is still lurking in the corner of your heart waiting to cast a moody gloom over your state of mind and throw you off-balance.
What inflicts pain may not be predetermined, but how long the pain would last may be anchored on our response to the pain. I am not here to claim I understand how you feel because that would be a bold lie. I am not here to give you some inspiration based on personal experience. Inspiration can only make you feel a dot of the kind of life you are meant to live. I am not also here to tell you what to do. I can’t, because the decision is yours to make. My wish is for you to have an encounter with the truth that has the capacity to set you free. The truth will help you come out of the daily despair you experience when none but you watch and listen to the recurrent agonizing thoughts you’ve made your buddy.
Separation with a friend of many years may not be easy, so also with your thoughts of regret and despair. Such thoughts have been your rumination and meditation. It has been fed to assume a state of strong opinion in our next dealings with our affiliates. However, parting ways is the only thing that will make you partake in the next level to experience true wholeness of the body, soul and spirit. In this next level, the old wine is not permitted to make a stay in the new wine skin. The reason is that it is not just compatible . It will burst. Yes! The new wine will blast the old wine skin. A tear or rupture will just be made in the container and the content spill out. Not because the content is not healthy, no; but because the container has refused an upgrade.
It’s not as if God is not delighted in having you climb up to the next level of life. No. In fact, He has waited for you there for a long time now—waiting for that golden moment when you will indeed make light of your weight and give it all up to Him.
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest.
Walk with me and work with me–watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.
Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly”
(Matt 11: 28-30).
Only those who are tired will appreciate rest. Only those who have come to the end of self-will cherish a new beginning. We often times struggle with the truth because we are eager to make a debut of our ego, pride and self-empathy. How sweet would it be if we can just learn the unforced rhythm of grace!
See you in weeks for the continuity of this piece. Till then, keep your fingers crossed—and your thoughts pure!